THE END!

Today I was in the resident lounge, and it dawned on me - this year is O-V-E-R. There was a fresh batch of interns trying to put on their calm face when inside you know the anxiety was nauseating. They sat at the computers frantically scribbling notes trying to learn the patients they would be responsible for in a few short hours. Several were still trying to figure out how to log into the computers and asking where to find charts. It wasn't long ago that it was me in those shoes. And as much fun as it was to watch the incoming class, it was even more exciting to watch my fellow soon-to-be-former interns. Confident. Knowledgable. Relaxed. What a striking parallel to the nervous, naive, and stressed interns that started the year twelve months ago. Truly remarkable. Change is awesome.

Clearly, I've grown as a doctor in the past twelve months. It would be impossible not to. But it has also been a complete transformation at home. I went back and read my first few blog posts and remembered what it was like it to hold 6-month-old Owen. I didn't think it could get any better. I was wrong. It is so much better. To see that smile and those little feet chugging as fast as they can go to the door when you get home has brought me to tears more than once. My heart melts when he lifts his arms in the air to be held (which doesn't happen very often), and who could resist his sloppy kisses. He is such a little man now. And just think, there is another little one ready to come and melt my heart any day now - maybe any hour. Being a mom has been more than amazing, and more than I could ever express in words. Talk about changing you. It doesn't get any more transformational.

So I guess this is it. This blog is a wrap. "MOM.D. - Intern year" is completed. Intern year is completed. Never will I go back. Never again will I be that low on the totem pole. No more 30-hour call shifts. No more crunchy hospital pillows. No more single stroller jogs. No more family photos of three. No more. Good-Bye. The End.

... at least until I come up with a name for another blog

What a Day

Have you ever gone to bed at night and thought, "Wow, if I had only known what this day would hold when I woke up this morning..."? It was one of those days today for me. Yesterday at this time our lives were different. More uncertain. So much hanging over us.

As I finished up work on a presentation this morning I heard Jason in the other room on the phone. Anytime he's on the phone, I play this game with myself and try to guess who he's talking to and what they are talking about. Not to brag, but I'm pretty good at it, too. So even though I had it all figured out by the time he hung up, it was still a relief to hear Jason confirm my suspicion. He was indeed talking to our real estate agent, and we indeed had a negotiated contract on our house. Yes! This is what we've been waiting for. Of course there are a lot of hoops yet to jump through, but we are one huge step closer. If everything falls into place we will close on July 27. God's timing is perfect! We'll get to bring Baby Newman #2 home to our home (not to a temporary apartment or hotel), and yet we won't have to pay a single extra month of our mortgage. What's even more, our yearly flood insurance premium is (or would be) due on... you guessed it: July 28. Perfect.

If that isn't enough exciting news for one day, I had an Ob appointment this afternoon. Everything is moving along smoothly, and they started my "checks" today. 2-cm and 50%. Whoohoo. The doctor in me says to chill out because a single check doesn't mean a single thing (I could go into labor tonight or in a month); however, the expectant mom in me is excited that this body of mine is actually doing something, and we'll be having a baby soon. Although my due date would say I still have 4 weeks, I just got a little more hope that it won't be nearly that long.

Wow, what a day.

Just A Theory

I have a theory. It seems the less I "have" to work the less I "expect" to work.

On months where I slave away for hours and days on end, I seem to be relatively productive with my time. And, I seem to gripe and complain less when I have to go in for a few hours on the weekends. I'm grateful to get off at 5:30 instead of 7:00. However, on months like this one, where I'm working 9-5 or less, I dread going in and count the minutes until I'm on my way home. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I even whine when I have to stay the full time until 5:00. Why is that? Maybe it's just me.

For example, today 9:00am was the start of my work day. On previous rotations I've been there for at least three of four hours by then. Our staff on this rotation is usually late so I even rolled in 5 minutes late today myself. (I was the first one there.) I had a meeting at 11:30 across town, so my "work day" ended at 11:00 and I was home after the meeting around 1:00. I really worked for less than two hours and yet instead of being thankful, I wished instead that I didn't have to go at all.

Then, since I wasn't expecting to have the afternoon off, I concocted all of these brilliant plans for the afternoon. Study for boards. Finish a presentation. Clean. Do laundry. Make some phone calls. Two and half hours in and guess what I've done... check email and facebook (a few times, might I add), and now clearly I'm procrastinating even more by blogging. Pretty pathetic, huh?

I should probably make a mid-year resolution to change my attitude. So for now, I'm going to close my internet and get to work on my presentation... After I check Facebook one more time.

Alzheimer

I've seen a lot of sick people. I've had to tell a lot of people bad news. I thought telling people they had cancer was going to be the worst part of the job, but I'm quickly learning that people take hearing they have, or their family member has, Alzheimer dementia just as poorly. Who could blame them?

Nearly half of the elderly population have AD, so if you haven't dealt with it yet, just wait. It is also not a very forgiving disease. It slowly steals your life and your dignity. Trust me, it doesn't just steal your memory. First you lose the ability to do things you learned as a young adult. Managing finances. Cleaning and cooking. Then those teenage lessons are gone. Driving. Shopping. Time keeps rolling backward and you loose your childhood. Dressing and hygiene. Finally, you're stripped of all independence. Toileting. Feeding. All gone.

Terrible. Frustrating. Aggravating. I know. To shed a little light on such a gloomy topic, there are a few things out there to slow it down. Aricept. Razadyne. Exelon. Namenda. Take your pick. We might not have a cure, but it's usually better than nothing. And at this point, it's all we've got. People have tried estrogen, testosterone, NSAIDs, and ginkgo, but nothing else has really panned out. Hopefully, there are some smart people somewhere hiding in a lab working on the next "latest-and-greatest".

Maybe we shouldn't just sit around and wait for the robber to come in the middle of the night and take this from us, why don't we try locking the doors and windows first and prevent this relentless beast from taking hold in the first place. Sounds like a great idea, and we've been looking. Unfortunately, NOTHING has been shown to be effective in preventing AD. Few people say that taking omega-3, controlling blood pressure, and staying physically and cognitively active can help, but unfortunately the data just isn't there. Yet. In my opinion though, it can't hurt. So keep playing Rumikub, Grandma!

In One Month

In one month, our world is going to be rocked! Literally. We'll be rocking Baby boy Newman #2 in a few short weeks. (Although I'm sure it's going to drag on as I not-so-patiently and anxiously wait.) This pregnancy has flown by to say the least. At times it actually makes me sad because I want to savor every big pregnant belly moment and time for those moments is getting less and less as each hour passes. As hard as it is to remember all the details and feelings of carrying Owen almost two years ago, I know that these new feelings of kicks and anticipation will fade with time as well. Thankfully, they will be replaced with memories and emotions of holding a precious perfect little life, and smelling that new baby smell. That's a pretty fair trade if you ask me.

If you think having a baby is a big family change, in one month we will also be packing up and moving to Grand Island. In my opinion each of those events is enough excitement for a year, but don't call us exciting for cramming it all into a few weeks - call us crazy! Just like with this baby's birthday, the date for the big move is yet to be established. Hopefully, they won't pick the same day. This baby will come when he's ready. And our house will sell when it's ready. While that definitely raises the blood pressure of this left-brained planner, I know that it will all work out in the end. The baby may not have a cute nursery to sleep in his first night at home, but I did get him a cute little outfit (including shoes) to leave the hospital with. And, as Jason says, he'll never know, or care. He has two parents, a big brother, and lots of family who love him. God doesn't make mistakes, so it is no mistake that these two events are colliding now. Thankfully, it won't be more than we can handle. We will all just have to wait and see where we are and who we have in just one month.

In a Groove

Maybe it's the fact that I'm a few weeks away from being done with this year. Maybe it's that I'm burned out from my last few months. Or maybe it is being 8 months pregnant, miserable, and exhausted. Whatever it is, I cannot find my groove this month. Usually by the first week, I've settled into the new routine and its expectations, but this month on geriatrics I am still struggling to be efficient and to take ownership of patients. Nursing homes are not my favorite places to be or to practice medicine, but neither was the cancer floor or the ICU. Hopefully, I'll either find my groove soon or just pray that this month will go by quickly.

Vacay

What a way to start a month. After just a couple of days of work, I am out. Vacation here we come.

With a 17 month old, a tight budget, and being 8 months pregnant our idea of a vacation is a little limited. Even though he was an angel at 4 or 5 months old when we flew to Texas, there is no way a plane trip would be a pleasant experience now. At least I'm not going to try and find out. And, after several trips to Grand Island, we're learning our driving time is getting shorter and shorter. Owen pulls out his special, shreeking scream just for car trips. It gets under my skin in about 1 minute and under Jason's in 1 second. Add to that Jason's bladder (which, for the record, is much more of an issue than this pregnant lady's), and we are lucky if we can make it out of Omaha. Kansas City seemed like a decent enough challenge - tolerable driving time yet far enough to feel "away."

Even with my type A personality, we haven't planned a lot for this trip. Of course we are going to a baseball game. Jason wouldn't have it any other way. And if you know my husband, we've already had a few detours to random historical sites "on the way." (By that he means 30 minutes out of the way for a 30 second photo op.) Makes me laugh - usually. We are also planning another detour to see some friends who moved to Kansas on our way home. And other than that, our plans include sleeping (except after one night we've discovered that's not one on Owen's agenda), eating lots and lots of the hotel's free breakfast and maybe some barbeque, swimming, visiting some parks, and mostly just relaxing.

Relaxing! That's what I'm looking forward to the most.