Dear Cousin,

What are you waiting for? I came to see you this weekend, but you didn't come to see me. My mom has been telling me since I sat on you at her graduation that I would get to meet you soon. Instead, here we are. Waiting. Waiting for you.

Everyone might not understand what it's like for you, but it hasn't been that long since I was in your position. I know what it's like to hear every single one of your mom's heart beats. To have her all to yourself. To be soothed by the rocking of her walk. To have every need met before you even feel it. To know you're loved even before you've shown your face is real, unconditional love. It is cozy in there, and sometimes I miss it, too.

Even though you have it pretty good in there I have to be honest with you that it isn't too bad out here either. The feeling of your moms touch is even more comforting than her heart beat, and your dad's smile is more loving than the muffled voice you've been identifying as his. And your sisters ... oh boy, your sisters! If the way they smother me with kisses, attention, and sticky fingers is any indication, they are going to eat you up.

So even if I didn't get to meet you this weekend, I hope you'll consider making your appearance soon. We are waiting. Just waiting. But please don't make us wait too much longer.

Your Cousin,
Owen Titus

Teething

For the past month or so, every time our precious 5.5-month old has cried for no apparent reason, or was more difficult to console than usual, someone would say, "Oh, he must be teething." When this started, not only did I not really find that statement very helpful at the moment, but I also didn't believe it. My response was usually, "Maybe." or "Could be." in order to avoid any lengthy conversation on the topic. Remember, my baby was screaming! If you've ever tried to have a conversation with a screaming child in the background, then you understand my rationale.

We have received all kinds of advice (which, by the way, I really do appreciate, even if I don't take it right away). Frozen washcloths seems to be a favorite. Forgive me, however, for throwing away the gift of "teething tablets" - tiny, powdered, white pills - that Jason carried in one afternoon in an unlabeled zip lock baggy. (I'll leave the source of the gift "unlabeled", too.) Seriously though, it could have been sugar or aspirin or morphine or crack for all I knew! It was a very thoughtful gesture though. Thank you.

However, now, after about 4 weeks of the he-must-be-teething excuse, I finally believe it! Although he has always been a spitter and a drooler, now he has taken it to the next level. For example, last night we were at a party, and he was getting passed around like all cute little babies do. At one point, he was being entertained by a small group sitting behind me, and, with my back to them, I could hear their conversation about how much he drooled and how they remember when their kids were going through "that stage." Exhibit A. Exhibit B is the fact that for the last few days it has taken more than an hour to put him down for his morning nap, and we won't even talk about the afternoon one. He used to fuss for a while and then... silence. Now his fuss has become an all-out howl that originates from the depths of his little belly. Maybe it's because I'm his mom, but it is more than a cry to me. It sounds like a plea for a help - a cry of utter pain. Lastly, Exhibit C. One thing I can count on to help quiet his howl into sweet little body-shaking sniffles is that water-filled pink and green chew-toy (for lack of a better, non-canine word) fresh out of the freezer.

My baby is growing up. He's teething!

Doer

One of my husband, Jason, and my favorite hobbies is "people-watching." Even if you've never heard of people-watching, I'm sure you've participated. It is so intriguing to watch people live their lives. Jason and I could write books about the made-up lives of people we saw for only a few seconds. If they only knew... Hopefully, they'd laugh along with us. One of our most favorite characters was "Dawn" from the hotel during the midnight fire evacuation. Hilarious!

Now, by no stretch of the imagination are we experts on the psyche of man-kind just because of our extensive people-watching research. However, we have come up with some pretty good analysis, if I do say so myself. Recently, we came up with the thought that there are two different categories of people: Dreamers and Doers.

Dreamers are people who are creative and have big ideas. They have contagious excitement about their aspirations, and convince even themselves that they will accomplish the task. Well, some day at least. You see, Dreamers have full intentions to follow through and often even have a plan to get there; but (the infamous "but"), that first step, the step of committing to the task, is often put off until tomorrow. The hesitation isn't because of laziness, inability, or insecurity (at least not all of the time). I think Dreamers hesitate because once they buy the supplies, sign up for the class, write the check, or pick up the phone, their idea has become something tangible and in a sense is no longer a dream. It's no longer perfect, complete, beautiful, and free (literally and figuratively). Now it may fail, be imperfect, and require sacrifice. When it is still a dream it is safe. You know what to expect, there is no buyer's remorse, and you can change it faster than Owen can dirty a clean diaper. For example, the color of the walls in your dream kitchen can go from beige to red, the range from electric to gas then back to electric, this wall can come down or that one or that one, and the floors can go from Italian marble to worn oak, and all of this in the matter of one morning shower.

On the flip side of the coin are Doers: do -ers. Doers do. Give a Doer a task, and it will get done. Set a deadline, and it will be met. Tell them to jump, and they jump. Doers cannot stand to wait around and talk about what should be, or needs to be, done. Why can't we just do something already?! Doers are Dreamers best friends and worst nightmares in one. Doers push, pull, pry, and prod Dreamers in an attempt to turn them into Doers, too. Sometimes, that is exactly what Dreamer need. Sometimes.

I'm not simplistic enough to think that everyone fits into one category or the other. Actually, there are very few people that are completely, 100%, one of them. Most of us have some Dreamer and some Doer in us. I tend to be a Doer - 70% Doer, 30% Dreamer, I would say. Jason tends to be a Dreamer - somewhere around 80%. Jesus was a perfect 50/50.

The whole reason that I got into this topic was just to share what the Dreamer in me has been dreaming and the Doer in me has been doing. I know, what an introduction! I'm almost too exhausted to even tell you now. Maybe I'll just show you pictures instead.

Try to ignore the handsome guy holding the adorable baby. Not that they should be ignored, just try to focus on the bare floor beneath their feet. We tore up every last square inch of nasty carpet in our tiny house. Such a cleansing experience! We've been dreaming about this since the day we moved in; actually, more like since the day we got a cat.

If you tear it out, I guess you'd better replace it. Yes, those are my unpainted toes digging into the softest, cleanest carpet they've ever touched. Our cat is now banished to the outdoors, and I don't think he really minds.

This is the "Before" of our kitchen. Actually, it is the "After, After" picture because it's the third layout we've had in the four years we've lived here. Can we say "Doer"?!

I don't exactly have an "After" picture yet, because I didn't convince my dreamer husband to help me install the cabinets last night. But, here's an action shot to prove that it is getting done.

This is my hideously long hair. To be fair, this is before I did anything with it, and before I put on any make-up. It's almost em-barrassing, actually. I've been dreaming of cutting my hair off for months now. Even before Owen was born I was Googling hairstyles for the perfect new look. But, I didn't want to have hair that I hated in Owen's baby book, so I stuck with the hair that I didn't really like. (For the record, "not liking" is better than "hating".) Then, I didn't want to have that hair in my graduation pictures. Finally, no more major events, so...

Chop-chop. To keep the score even, this photo is also before the make-up went on, and although I did "do" my hair, I did it. This isn't the perfect hair that I had walking out of the salon. You know, the kind that, if you're like me and Jason, you can't stop touching and smelling. It was a 9.7 after she finished, and is now an 8.7 when I finish in the morning. Definitely better than the 5.0 from before, but leaves room for the 10.0 that must be out there.

So, there you have it. At least for now, I'm a doer.

*Definitions

As promised, here is a list of definitions (in my words, at least) of some of the vocabulary that I use which may be unfamiliar. Or maybe, you've heard me use these words for the last four years and just have never figured out what the heck I was talking about. I promise to keep adding to the list throughout the year as new words pop up. It took me a good four years to learn "doctor-talk" (in addition to the infamous "doctor-handwriting"), so it will be fun to teach it to you. Let me know if you come across other things I should clarify, too.

SUSAN'S MEDICAL SCHOOL/RESIDENCY DICTIONARY:

boards (board exams, medical boards; USMLE (United States Medical Licensing Examination)); see also "Step 1", "Step 2" and "Step 3"

1. [noun]: a series of 3 (really 4) tests, known as "steps," that a person is required to pass during medical school and residency in order to get a medical license in the United States; there are also separate board exams for each medical specialty which certifies that a physician has met the standards required to practice a particular medical specialty

2. [noun]: an exam that is the god of all other exams

CK (Clinical Knowledge); see "Step 2"

CS (Clinical Skills); see "Step 2"

Family Practice (FP, Family Medicine)

1. [noun]: a medical specialty in which a physician is certified to treat everyone: children, adults, and pregnant women

house officer (HO); see also "resident"

1. [noun]: just another word for resident, but can be used to designated the number of years of service by being followed with roman numeral, i.e., HOI (pronounced "H.O. one") = first year resident, HOII (pronounced "H.O. two") = second year resident, and so on

intern

1. [noun]: a physician who is in their first year of residency

synonym: scut-monkey

Match Day

1. [noun]: a day every year in March where fourth year medical students across in the country simultaneously find out where they will be going for residency. The student and residency program are "matched" after the student ranks their top choices for residency programs and the residency programs rank their top choices for students. Then, a magical computer program in the depths of the Earth complies all of these ranks and spits out the fate of every student.

2. [noun]: a moment of shear excitement/terror/panic/relief that is witnessed by your classmates, family, friends, and, at our institution, the world (thanks to live-streaming video on the internet)

M4 (fourth year medical student, senior medical student)

1. [noun]: a person who is in their final year of medical school

synonym: 20th-grader

pimp

1. [verb] pimp-ing, pimp-ed, pimp-s: to be quizzed, questioned, or put on the spot by any of a medical student's superiors at any time during rounds, surgeries, lectures or random encounters

2. [noun]: a person, usually a man, who solicits someone for prostitution in return for a share of the profit (no, this is not a medical reference and is not clearly related to its verb form, but is listed in an effort to be complete)

residency (residency program)

1. [noun]: an institution in which physicians are trained in a medical specialty (e.g. family practice, surgery, radiology, Ob/Gyn, etc...); this training takes a minimum of three years following graduation from medical school depending on the specialty, for example:

Family Medicine - 3 years;

Internal Medicine - 3 years;

General Surgery - 5 years;

Ob/Gyn - 4 years;

upon completing this training period a physician takes an exam and, once passed, becomes "board certified" to practice in that specialty

resident; see also "house officer"

1. [noun]: a physician who is currently in a residency; yes, they are doctors, but they are not yet board certified to practice their specialty of choice

round

1. [noun], rounds: the daily event in which medical students, residents, and their staff physicians meet to discuss their hospital patients and develop a plan of diagnosis and treatment; this can take place in a conference room or at the patients' bed-sides

2. [verb], round-ing, round-ed: the act of making rounds

Step 1; see also "Step 2", "Step 3", & "boards"

1. [noun]: the first exam in the series of USMLE (United States Medical Licensing Examinations) that is taken between the second and third years of medical school (M2 and M3 years); it is an all-day computerized, multiple-choice exam

2. [noun]: a perfectly good way to ruin your last free summer

Step 2; see also "Step 1", "Step 3", & "boards"

1. [noun]: the second exam in the series of USMLE (United States Medical Licensing Examinations) that is taken during the fourth year of medical school; it is divided into two separate, and unrelated exams: CK (Clinical Knowledge) & CS (Clinical Skills)

CK - an all-day, computerized, multiple-choice exam

CS - an all-day, practical exam in which the examinee is graded on encounters with 12 standardized patients/actors (yes, like the episode of Seinfeld); this exam is only given in select cities in the United States and is known among students to be a test of your ability to speak English

Step 3; see also "Step 1", "Step 2", & "boards"

1. [noun]: the third, and final, exam in the series of USMLE (United States Medical Licensing Examinations) that is taken anytime during residency; it is a two-day computerized, multiple-choice test; upon successful completion, a physician can obtain a license to practice medicine in the United States (but... you still have to complete residency to become "board certified" in your specialty)

The Life

Don't let us fool you. This time in a brand-spanking-new-doctor's life isn't all bad. Multiple times I've heard the last year of med school described as "the best year of your life." It is something of a reward after spending three long years in the anatomy lab, lecture halls, exam rooms and operating rooms. (All of which have no windows I might add. I guess they are being gracious because even if we could see the sun, it would just be a tease. After all, we wouldn't be able to enjoy it. If we did get "let off" by our professors, residents, or attendings, we were never really "off." There was always a book that should have been read yesterday, a test to study for, a pimp* session to panic over, an evaluation to suck up for, or groceries and toilet paper to buy. Okay, I think I've made my point; now, back to the matter at hand.) Similar to your senior year in high school, this is the year that motivates you during the others. It's the year you get to do just about anything you want to do. For example, some of my classmates traveled the world, some had babies, some took the easiest electives they could think of just to be able to sleep in, and some took month after month of the specialty they loved or would never be able to do again. Really, it is a great year. Maybe they are letting us rest up for what promises to be a much different year to come, but let's not think about that.

To be fair, this year isn't all about fun and games. There are a few requirements and expectations. This is also the year we have to officially decide what specialty we will do. For me, Family Practice. We have to spend a lot of time and money (oh my, money and loans, I can't wait to talk about that!) traveling the country for residency interviews. We also have to take Step 2 of boards* which requires even more traveling and even more money.

Actually, I'm a little bit of an exception to the typical M4* rules so I may not be the best person to describe this year for you. I'm sure I'll get into more details later, but essentially, I gave up a usual fourth year and began my residency early. My schedule was a little busier than my peers, but I also didn't have to worry about letters of recommendation, interviews or Match Day*. Although I didn't have as much time off, I do get the entire month of May as vacation so I'm not too tortured.

Right now it is 8:37AM. The birds are chirping, there is a slight breeze, and it is a perfect 77 degrees outside. Now I know that means it is going to be blistering hot today, but that's why we have air-conditioning. I am sitting on the back deck in my pajamas in a chair with a new blue cushion that I bought on one of many recent leisurely shopping trips. My feet are propped up on the table with painted toe nails, my coffee is the perfect temperature beside me, my dog is laying in the yard chewing on a rib bone from yesterday's lunch, my cat is sprawled out on the table soaking up the sun, and my iPad is in my lap. Owen is already taking his morning nap, and I'll be getting out my nook to read another chapter of my Beth Moore book as soon as I finish typing this. What a life, and I am enjoying every moment of it!


*Keep your eyes out for a "Definitions" post coming soon.

Beginning

Ready or not, here we come. A new batch of doctors is about to be unleashed into the hospitals of our country this summer. I am one of them. You will soon find me walking the halls of the hospital at 2AM in my long white coat with M.D. embroidered after my name. What a humbling thought. It's not a Halloween costume, and it's no longer a dream - I am a doctor.

I am, also, a mother. At this moment, my handsome little guy is asleep in his crib. It is hard to believe he is 5 months old already. I absolutely love being his mom! It is everything I imagined it would be, and at the same time it is nothing that I imagined it would be. Amazing. Absolutely, amazing.

Now comes the challenge. How does one person live two, very busy, lives? And, live them well? These roles are both things that I have wanted and worked very hard to attain. Although it will be a juggling act like no other, I believe God has graciously gifted me the ability to do both. Because I know this year is going to be challenging and life-changing, this "blog" is my attempt to record it, remember it, and learn from it. Journaling has always been an outlet for me, so this doesn't seem too unnatural. Actually, it is exciting. It will be fun to take you, my family and friends, along with me on this journey. Read along. Make comments. Give encouragement. Criticize. As much as I can't wait to see how much my little 14-pound (yes, we know he's a light-weight, but he's healthy and that's all that matters), 20-something inches son will grow, I also am excited to see how much I will grow in the coming year.