Bittersweet

Last days are usually bittersweet - exciting and difficult. This day is definitely no different. My days alone with Owen are coming to an end and my days of being an intern are beginning. It is exciting to get back to work and be a "real" doctor, but at the same time it is going to be extremely difficult to leave my sweet little boy for a long day of work.

I am so glad that we had this month together. As necessary as the usual 6-week maternity leave is, I'm starting to realize that a post-post-partum leave also is nearly essential for working moms. After all, I may have fallen in love with Owen when he was a helpless newborn, but I have really gotten to know him as a priceless little man. What I've learned about my son in this month has been incredible! I know how his cry sounds when he's hungry. I know that when he puts his hands behind his ears he's getting ready to throw a fit that can only be cured with a good nap. I know that he likes green beans better than peas. I know which is his favorite rattle. I know when he lays his head on my neck it's less a sign of affection and more an indication of sleep-deprivation. I know that he likes to listen to stories, and he is more likely to share his own tales when only a few trusted ears are listening. I know he will like baseball like his dad and cooking like his mom. I know he is kind and patience. I know he is persistent and determined. Best of all, I know he loves me.

It is too bad that there isn't a "before-and-after" photo of us. Not just that he is longer and my hair is shorter, but how cool would it be to have an image that shows the incredible bond between us. We went from "mother and baby" to "Mommy and Owen." Like I said - Incredible! Maybe most mothers of 5-month-olds feel this way, and maybe I would have felt like this even if I worked during this time, but even so, I wouldn't trade what we've experienced for anything.

I realize that so far the fact that this is all coming to an end sounds a little more bitter than sweet, but there is a sweet spot to this day. Tomorrow, go ahead and circle June 2 on your calendars, my patients will have appointments with Dr. Newman - not with "med student, Susan" or "part-of-your-medical-team, Susan" or "Sub-I, Susan." I will be their doctor. I am their doctor. How sweet, and awe-inspiring, is that?!